why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
