I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
