My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
