Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
