I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
