Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
