dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
