Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
