Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
