I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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