forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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