What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Are we still banned from the library?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
