it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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