i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
