Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
