these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
