shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
