oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
