I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
