I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
