she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
