I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I will be naked everywhere
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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