My room smells like vodka and shame
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
