I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
