no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
