I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
