So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
