I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
