He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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