If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
