Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
