dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
