How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
