I wish I could teleport
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
