the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
