Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
