I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
