Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
