If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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