The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
