so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
