he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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