does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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