maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
