I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
