so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
