part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
