Are we in a gay sports bar?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
