If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the condom got lost in my hair
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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