My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
