do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
