She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I love you.
Bad choice
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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