Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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