He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
