whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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